Living Undefeated

Honest writing about childhood cancer, grief, and finding a way to be useful again. From a family who has been there.


The costume in the closet. The porch light. The neighbor's question. What to do with the first Halloween after your child died — including nothing at all.
More Details

Why friends go quiet after a child dies — it is almost never what you think — and the words to use if you are the one who disappeared eight months ago.
More Details

You're the coworker, the neighbor, the parent at pickup. What to say, what to do and what to skip when someone is grieving and you barely know them.
More Details

Real sentences you can send today. What to say to a parent whose child died, what to avoid, and why the wrong words land the way they do.

More Details

Before you give to anyone

How to tell if a charity deserves your money

We wrote down the checklist we use. Before we send a dollar anywhere, we run the organization through CharityWatch, the BBB Wise Giving Alliance, Charity Navigator and Candid. It is one page, and it works on any charity — including this one.

Read the checklist — free

On the site, right now. Nothing to fill in and no email needed.

We never sell or share your address. Unsubscribe in one click, and there is no donation ask attached to any of it. Privacy

Start here — free, no sign-up

A deep navy book cover reading A Reason to Get Up, with the subtitle Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, and what that book can and cannot do after somebody dies.

Guide one · 7 pages

A Reason to Get Up

Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, and what that book can and cannot do for you after somebody dies. Who Frankl actually was, what he actually argued, and the famous quote that is not his.

Download the guide — free

PDF, 7 pages. Nothing to fill in, no email, no ask attached to it.

Three more, if you want them

These are the books we read and the things we did after we lost Austin. Not advice and not therapy — an honest account of what helped us, and what the research actually says about each of it. Every statistic in them carries a source and a year.

A deep navy book cover reading The Circling, with the subtitle The Power of Now, and what is actually happening when you cannot stop going over it.

Guide two · 9 pages

The Circling

The Power of Now, and what is actually happening when you cannot stop going over it. Includes the part no grief guide prints: meditation is not risk-free, and who should be careful.

A deep navy book cover reading Give It Away, with the subtitle Why doing something for somebody else, expecting nothing back, appears to do something for you.

Guide three · 11 pages

Give It Away

Why doing something for somebody else, expecting nothing back, appears to do something for you. With a verified list of places that will take you this week, and the ones that will ask you to wait a year.

A deep navy book cover reading The First Year, with the subtitle What has to be done, what it actually looks like, and fifty things that might help.

Guide four · 16 pages

The First Year

The practical one. What actually has to be done, what the months afterward really look like, and fifty things that might help — each one labeled for whether there is evidence behind it.

We send them by hand, usually within a day. You will get the three guides and nothing else unless you ask for it. We never sell or share your address, and every email we send has a way to stop. There is no donation ask attached to any of this. Privacy

If tonight is bad

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential, 24 hours a day, anywhere in the US. You do not have to be in immediate danger to use it.

Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741.

Veterans Crisis Line. Dial 988 then press 1, or text 838255.

If there is an immediate danger to life, call 911.