Does The Power of Letting Go help with grief?

The Power of Letting GoJohn Purkiss

Photograph by ming 郝 on Pexels.

The title is the risk, so we will deal with it first. Nobody wants to be told to let go of a person. That is not what it means. It is about the grip, not the love.

What it is

John Purkiss's 2020 book, subtitled How to drop everything that's holding you back. Purkiss is an executive recruiter rather than a clinician, and the book brings together meditation practice, Eastern philosophy and his own observations about why people stay stuck.

What it actually argues

Purkiss's central claim is that what holds people back is identification with a fixed self — the story about who you are, what happened to you, and what that makes you. He calls that construction the ego, and his argument is that most suffering comes from defending it rather than from circumstances.

The book moves through five stages, and they are worth knowing before you start because one of them needs care. Being present, using breath and sensory attention to find the gap between thoughts. Releasing repetitive thoughts — the stories, labels and expectations that narrow what you think is possible. Releasing deep pain. Surrender, which he defines as following intuition rather than forcing an outcome. And manifesting desires, where he separates ego-driven wants from borrowed ones and from what he calls natural desire.

⚠️ The third stage is the one to approach carefully. Purkiss recommends "completion" exercises — deliberately re-experiencing painful memories, in some versions while looking at yourself in a mirror, in order to process what was suppressed at the time. For a bereaved parent that is not a light exercise. Deliberately returning to the worst hours, alone and without support, is exactly the kind of thing that can leave a person worse rather than lighter. If you try it at all, do not try it alone and do not try it early.

And a second thing to name plainly. The final chapter is about manifesting what you want, and that language carries an implication that does real harm in grief: that outcomes respond to thought. Nothing you thought, or failed to think, caused your child to die. If that section starts to sound like an accusation, close the book there. The first four chapters stand perfectly well without it.

What it was good for

Separating what should be let go from what should never be. The self-blame, the replayed arguments, the grip on an outcome that was never ours to control — those can go. Him, we keep.

Letting go and forgetting are not the same thing, and the difference is the whole point.

Of the four on this shelf about minding your thoughts, this is the one about release — about change happening every day whether we agree to it or not, and about whether you meet it or get dragged.

Who this is wrong for, and when

If "just let it go" has been said to you, this title will sting, and fairly. Leave it. Read the other three and come back only if you want to.

Not in the first weeks or months. There is nothing to release yet. Early grief is not a grip, it is a weight.

⛔ Skip the completion exercises unless you have support in place. Purkiss is not a clinician and the book carries no safety guidance around deliberately re-entering painful memories. A therapist or grief counselor does this work with structure for a reason.

If this one is not right for you

• Want the gentler version? → Radical Acceptance
• Want practical technique instead? → Stop Overthinking
• The full list, sorted by how far along you are → The Shelf

Our note — from Austin’s family

Part of the group that taught us to mind our thoughts and be present. Letting go, but never forgetting. Change happens all day, every day, and the work is to embrace the new rather than fight it — without that ever meaning you leave anyone behind.

Common questions

Does letting go mean forgetting the person who died?

No, and that is the most important thing on this page. What a book like this is about is the grip — the self-blame, the replayed arguments, the hold on an outcome that was never yours to control. The person stays.

Are the "completion" exercises in this book safe to do while grieving?

We would not do them alone. They involve deliberately re-experiencing painful memories in order to process what was suppressed at the time. Purkiss is not a clinician and the book offers no safety guidance around that. If you want to do this work, a therapist or grief counselor does it with structure for a reason.

Does The Power of Letting Go say you can manifest what you want?

Its final chapter does cover manifesting desires, and we would flag that for any bereaved reader. The implication that outcomes respond to thought lands very differently on someone whose child has died. Nothing you thought, or failed to think, caused it. The first four chapters stand without that one.

Last reviewed October 2026. We make nothing from this recommendation. There are no affiliate links on this page. See our editorial and sourcing policy.